How on earth are we as your kids supposed to open up when all parents do is yell and deny.
From a 15 year old to a 50 year old - do you mind answering this????????????????????????????????????????????????
Ginger
May 18, 2017This is a selfie of my daughter and I, taken minutes before she competed in a speech and debate tournament with her school team, and it was my first time judging for the tournament. What is it that makes a healthy well-adjusted beautiful young girl with goals, hobbies, friends and a strong family support system, struggle with self harm and suicidal thinking? I don't know the answer to this question but I am learning as a mom that I cannot immunize my children from the struggles of today, by giving them neither love, support, affirmation, nor iphones, laptops or other belongings. So for now, remembering there is no immunization, no assurance, no promises, I savor the fun, brace myself for the hard days, and remember to say "I love you. You are enough just the way you are."
Hello "Just Me" ... I can't speak for your specific parents but I can give you some thoughts that you can try to open up communication between you and your parents.
First,
1. Commit to yourself to go into the conversation without a preconceived idea about how the conversation will go. Try to really listen.
2. Commit to yourself to not be defensive. If you can't agree with a particular idea, you can say something like, "I will think about that" or "Ok. I think I understand your thoughts on that." Even if you don't agree, you can still acknowledge what someone has said.
Then,
2. Ask your parent what a good time would be to have an uninterrupted discussion. Sometimes even we well meaning parents get really tied up with multitasking but when asked directly about spending dedicated time in an uninterrupted a conversation, are so happy to do that.
3. Be polite but as direct as you can so that the topic doesn't become confusing.
4. Express to your parent that you value the ability to share with them and you hope that you can continue to have open conversations like these (most parents want to have that with their kids). If your parent is likely to yell at you or be defensive themselves, state that in a positive/polite way by saying something like, "I am worried about you being angry and yelling. I want to be open with you but I feel afraid when I think I might be yelled at", or ask "how can I communicate in a way that doesn't make you yell at me?"
These are just some basic communication tips to get you going. Ultimately, counseling is a great option to have a neutral person if you need that, but if you haven't tried these things first, it is worth a try. We parents were 15 at one time too. I know life was different then (and honestly probably a little easier), but a lot of the feelings your parent felt at 15 will be the same as those you are feeling and although they may not understand it all, having someone who understands some of them may still be helpful.