Better Days
May 19, 2017

It's not a cliche

2 comments

It's not a cliche, it does get better. It doesn't get perfect, but it does get better. I have been seeing a psychiatrist since the seventh grade. I tried 4 different antidepressants before the eighth grade. Nothing seemed to help. I was discouraged. I was hospitalized for self harm in the eighth grade. I was so embarrassed. The people I met in the hospital were clearly much "crazier" than I was. I just wanted to get out of there and return to my "normal" life of putting on happy face.

As much as I hated the experience, I needed it. It was only afterward that I finally opened up to my psychiatrist about what was really bothering me. I was in love with my best friend, who was of the same sex. (You don't have to agree with my life choices, I know not everyone does. But I'm not here to make you uncomfortable, I'm here to share my story of encouragement.) Long story short, I told my friend how I felt. They were terrified and we stopped talking. I was devastated. I have a deep scar on my leg from that day. But I was finally able to embrace the person that I am. Fast forward 7 years, and I haven't cut since then.

I finally realized I do need help. I'm still seeing a psychiatrist and I finally found a medication that works for me. Part of my healing came from learning to love myself for who I am, but I finally realized that depression didn't make me "damaged goods". It isn't my fault. It stems from a chemical imbalance in my brain, and treating it with medication is nothing to be ashamed of. Today, I am in love with an amazing individual, and I have a wonderful, supportive family.

The bad days still come, but I have found my Reasons to keep me away from blades. I get through them. Every single one of them. And I am better for it. I have a wonderful life that I am happy to be a part of. Back in the eighth grade, I never could have pictured this, but here I am. And it's better. Not perfect, but better. I still see that scar on my leg, but I have finally gotten over the shame about it. It helps me see that I have made it 7 years without adding another scar. It helps me see that I made it through the dark parts and I am okay.

Erin
May 19, 2017

Awesome, love your post and your story. And I hope you love your one scar because it's a reminder of healing that came from your journey. Thanks for speaking and sharing!

2
Project Reasons
May 22, 2017

That is really inspirational, seven years clean. That is amazing..

1
New Posts
  • Em
    May 22, 2017

    My Story

    My name is Emily. When I was 5 months old I was diagnosed with cancer. They told my parents I wouldn't make it to my first birthday. I, fortunately, was recovered by age of 1. Skipping foward to 6th grade, I decided that I would do anything to be popular. Ive always been a major introvert, which didn't fit in well with my schools standards of 'popular'. I got in with the wrong crowd. I was physically, mentally, and verbally abused. I began to harm myself because the leader of the group harmed herself and got a lot of attention from it. In seventh grade I realized I had made a huge mistake, so I began to harm myself and this time not for attention. This went on for about 2 and a half years. Until the middle of 9th grade when i decided that enough was enough. I was going to get better. Now I am graduating from 10th grade in a week. I am 4 months clean. I may still be recovering, but Im getting there. And Im proud of how far Ive gotten so far. I didnt come this far just to come this far. I will succeed in my seqrch for happiness someday someday, and until that day, I will fight for my life.
  • Em
    Jun 19, 2017

    Story Time

    I have been through a lot lately. But one thing that helps me the most is realizing that you ARE more than the scars, the pain, the past... I would say I'm pretty recovered but I still have bad days. And that's life. A friend of mine once told me I was their inspiration for always staying calm in rough waters. Honestly, if you are having a rough time, find that one person that you trust with your life (a friend, family member, teacher, etc.) and just talk. Holding everything inside doesn't help. Stay strong, angels <3
  • Far North
    Apr 17, 2017

    It will not always be this hard

    Sometimes it is hard to believe that life will not always be as hard or as hopeless as it feels at a given time, but the truth is that things will change or you can change them. There was a time that I considered a permanent solution to a time and place of complete despair. What changed things for me was suddenly realizing that it made no sense to consider a permanent solution instead of doing whatever I could to change my current reality. I made that change. It took time, and it was painful, but it was possible. I was and am no longer in a place of despair.