Somebody

August 22, 2018

By: Student Board Member, Ashlynn 

Sometimes things happen that we can’t understand. There are circumstances that we wish we never had to go through. For me, it was losing a good friend to suicide. I was confused and angry and upset about why he would do this. I had spent his last day alive with him. I knew what he was going through and knew he was dealing with suicidal thoughts for a long time. I asked him how he was feeling. We talked about his mental state and what he was going through. He kept reassuring me that he was “doing really well" and was happy. He told me he wanted to be better. We talked about my birthday plans and the future. He smiled and laughed and looked happy. I loved him and he loved me.

 

When I found out he took his life the next day, I was so confused. I was devastated. I kept thinking to myself that he told me he was okay and he told me he was happy. Why would he do this now? After spending the entire day with me telling me how much he cares about me and saying that he is doing better. Why now? I felt guilty. Like I should have known how he really felt. I was angry at myself for not noticing. But how could I have noticed? My friend was masked in happiness for me, hiding his depression. I felt helpless. I wanted to do something to prevent anyone else from going through what I went through. That’s when Project Reasons reached out to me. If you are going through the same thing I went through, you are NOT alone and you are NOT helpless.

 

Project Reasons helped me find comfort in this circumstance. They helped me find a way to help people feel okay again. Now, as a board member, I have opportunities to voice my opinion and share my experiences and give people a voice. I can help relate to people who went/are going through the same thing that I went through. Sometimes the best thing someone can say is “me too” or “I know how that feels.” Everybody needs somebody. It’s nice feeling loved. Do not ever feel guilty if you couldn’t save someone. They loved you and it is not your fault. Being raw is very vulnerable for most people. It’s difficult to be vulnerable. Just let people know you are there for them. It means a lot to know you are cared for.

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