Autumn Change


The day I took this picture, October 27 2016, was the day I decided I wanted to stop cutting. The uncontrollable losses I'd gone through, finally seemed to be mending themselves. I thought my battle with depression was finally over. I walked along that path, my last razor in hand, staring at the long sleeves covering my secret and all my pain along with it. The autumn leaves were scattered around me. And there was water. Not a lot of water, but enough. It was clear, running, water. As I stood there staring at the water, I decided to do the craziest thing I had ever done -- I threw it away. In doing so, I threw away a piece of myself that I had grown to love. I remember a compulsive feeling to dive in after it. Apologize profusely to it for turning my back. I wanted to return it to its home, but instead, I left it behind. I thought that